Stop ‘Shoulding’ On Yourself…
Do you ever find yourself saying “I should be doing this” or “I shouldn’t have done that?” This habit of “shoulding” ourselves is something that many of us do without even realising it. It’s a tendency that can become even more pronounced and challenging when you’re a mother, and it can become a big drain on your time and mental energy.
In this post, we’ll explore what “shoulding” is, why we do it, why we need to stop, and how we can shift our mindset in order to break free of the ‘shoulding’ trap.
What is “Shoulding?”
“Shoulding” refers to the constant stream of “should” or “shouldn’t” statements we make to ourselves throughout the day - that little voice in our head critiquing us all day long. These statements can be about anything, from how we should be a better mother to how we should exercise more. When we “should” ourselves, we are essentially telling ourselves that we’re not doing enough or that we’re doing something wrong.
Why Do We Do It?
We “should” ourselves because we have a certain idea of what is right or wrong, and we think that telling ourselves we “should” or “shouldn’t” do something will somehow motivate us to change our behavior. However, this isn’t the case. “Shoulding” ourselves actually creates negative emotions, such as shame or guilt, which can make it harder to take the action we really want to take.
Why We Need to Stop Doing It
“Shoulding” ourselves isn’t helpful - when we feel shame or guilt, we don’t take inspired action. Instead, we beat ourselves up and feel bad. This makes it harder to make any lasting change. We need to let go of “shoulding” and find a different approach.
How Can We Stop Doing It?
The first step to stopping “shoulding” ourselves is to notice when we’re doing it. Pay attention to the thoughts you have and the statements you make to yourself. Notice how you feel when you say these things and what actions you take from that negative space. Once you’ve noticed that “shoulding” isn’t helpful, you can start to let it go.
What Can We Do Instead?
Instead of “shoulding” ourselves, we can take a more positive and productive approach. First, we need to decide if we really want to do the thing we’re telling ourselves we “should” do. If we do, we need to understand why we want to do it and make sure we like our reasons. If we don’t want to do it, we can let it go.
Next, we need to ask ourselves how we would need to feel in order to take action. For example, if we want to start exercising, we might need to feel committed or determined. Then we need to ask ourselves what we need to think in order to feel that way. It might be something like “This is important to me” or “I can do this one day at a time.”
Finally, we need to keep reminding ourselves that we don’t have to do anything. There are only things we want to do or don’t want to do for different reasons. Doing them or not doing them doesn’t make us better or worse people.
“Shoulding” ourselves is a habit that can be hard to break. However, by noticing when we’re doing it and shifting our mindset, we can create lasting change. Remember, you don’t have to do anything. You only have to do what you want to do for the reasons that are right for you.
Let Me Know…
In the comments below, let me know what you’re ready to stop ‘shoulding’ yourself about…
